vanity insanity
I am sitting in my car in front of my grandpa’s.
I am writing for the next twenty minutes.
My head and body are excited this morning. A hint of stress. Good stress.
This morning I drove over in the clothes I slept in. A shirt and a pair of shorts. I picked up a change of clothes from my clean laundry. A white shirt and grey stretchy dress pants. Socks. Underwear.
It’s comfy but the white shirt fits tight. I’m not a huge fan of that.
My friend and I are meeting some political people this AM. I usually dress a bit more conservatively around those types. So this fit is making me a bit uncomfortable. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe I can treat it like an experiment.
Notice the results of the dress. If it works for or against me type thing.
I’m usually able to get past the first judgement of looks with people. I think because I’m traditionally “attractive” looking. Not that I’m an Adonis but I look alright I think. Tallish, whitish, charismatic-ish, good looking-ish guy.
That’s my character build , you know?
So I can dress pretty homeless and still be let in most places. You know?
Or maybe you don’t.
Anyways, enough about my vanity.
Went to my psychologist yesterday. Told her about the past two months. She said “👍, Call me if you need me”.
That felt good. I do feel good.
I feel stable-ish. Stabilizing. Connected. Tethered; grounded.
I’ve only been feeling that for 2-3 months. So I wouldn’t say I’m cured or anything. But I’m hopeful. I’m hopeful about life. About my direction.
I know there will be wobbles. There will be challenges and hard days. Hell, even hellish days.
But, you know, I’m kind of expecting that now. I’m starting to trust myself to handle them. I’m starting to trust that no matter what happens. I’ll be able to deal.
And that’s a really great feeling to have.
Stay moving and make sure you have something in your life you’re looking forward to.
Go easy.
Raiden.