Moon Palace Resorts Day #1
Warning: don’t read this if you’re a family member. [redacted] discussed. you've been warned.
Sitting on a plane to Cancún, Mexico. The in-flight map says we are currently over… just past Denver or so.
That’s fun. The plane I am in is the one with three seats on each side and three seats in the middle. I’m in seat 25D. I’m in the emergency exit row in the middle row. So, I don’t have any emergency exit duties but all the leg room benefits.
It’s the row right behind the middle bathrooms. It’s a morning flight (approx. 10:17am now, took off around 8:45ish), and lots of people are using the bathroom.
I think everyone is taking their morning poops… 💩
Yeah it’s been non-stop pretty much. Wouldn’t be surprised if more than 50% of the plane has used the bathroom at this point.
I’m excited for Mexico. I like Mexico. I like the resort I’m going to. My parents took us there as a family a few years ago (2019 maybe?). It’s a really great place. Lots of amenities, good food, golf (if you’re into that, which they are), iguanas and these raccoon like things called coatis. Good for nature and for lounging.
Listening to a podcast I recorded with my friend from May 26th, 2024. It was a Sunday. The day before my 3rd week at the job I just started.
I’m sad I got fired/let go/laid off or whatever you call it. I think it was good for me to have that job. It’s good for me to have a job, period.
Yesterday I went and played squash with a group of guys again. One of them mentioned they are hiring people at his work. Perhaps I could work to get a job there? Might be a good play.
The girl I’m seeing… [redacted].
[redacted]
I’ve been trying some of these strategies in the [redacted].
Which… I’m trying not to overthink but it’s hard (no pun intended) not too. Especially when I’m [redacted].
For now we’ve been doing other stuff. Like [redacted]. So I don’t know.
I try to [redacted].
Flying over Lubbock, Texas now. Well in between Lubbock and Tulsa, Oklahoma?Seems like we are closer to Tulsa than Lubbock from the map anyways. 39000 ft is our altitude, 1227 miles to destination, approx. 2 hours 16 minutes flight time remaining.
So, anyways, back to where I was before. She asked me if [redacted].
[redacted] typing this on my phone on the plane but think I’m overthinking it and no one cares and it feels good to get out of my mind.
So yeah, I’ve been thinking about that relationship. She said if I want [redacted].
Am I a bad person for [redacted].
Last… Wednesday? No, Thursday. No… [redacted] not right inside me about [redacted].
Conflicting stuff.
Closer to Plano, Texas now. Looking around the plane and everyone is locked into their entertainment screens. Most of them older people, Gen Xers mostly. Not sure what that means but it feels significant. I think my parents and their generation are lost more in their phones/entertainment than young people these days. It’s sad.
Anyways. Maybe that feeling of [redacted] I’m feeling with [redacted] is one of the reasons I’m finding it hard to [redacted]. Maybe it’s because I’m older now, I am 29. Geriatric essentially. I’m surprised I can get [redacted] at all.
Did a sleep apnea (snore) test last week and got my results. I stop breathing for more than 10 seconds on average 35 times a night (either a night or per hour, can’t quite remember the metric). 30+ times is considered severe. So maybe that has something to do with finding [redacted] difficult. Some health thing.
I’ve been doing my best to lose weight. The other day my grandparents came home from Italy, they were there for 3 months, and they commented that it looked like I lost weight. So I guess that’s a good sign.
A few times in the past 6 months… Wow. 6 months… I’ve looked up my ex. She unfriended me on Facebook. Instagram too, I think? I haven’t been able to use Instagram for the past couple months because I don’t have enough storage on my phone (see earlier posts about that situation). Either way, I tried to creep her on social media the other day. It made me feel sad and nostalgic. And… I don’t know… a certain kind of way.
Part of me thought should I call her or message her? Or go back and ask her to marry me and start a family? And in my mind’s eye if I just did that all our problems would be solved and our life could begin.
But the side of me more grounded in reality knows that those problems would still be there. Still manifest and need to be addressed and those problems are mostly my problems that I need to address. Or maybe they aren’t.
I also saw this masculinity meme or thing or whatever and it was like “normalize healing and loving yourself and never talking to her again. Normalize her regretting losing you” to challenge the premise of “the one that got away” always being the girl. I liked that. I liked it because she would constantly tell me how much [redacted].
[ redacted ]
I thought she had cancelled a dual gym membership we had and realized this week it was still in place and was getting charged. I called and cancelled it. I thought I would [redacted]. I don’t want to [redacted] ever again. I hate [redacted] me [redacted]. I just can’t.
And it breaks [redacted] broken. And I [redacted] myself more for [redacted] her.
And it’s very complicated and I feel like crying but I don’t because I’m on a plane. And I feel a bit better for writing. And people are still all lining up to poop 💩. And it’s pretty complicated to be a 29 year old guy with some education and some but not a lot money and no idea what to do next.