me.exe
Went to a talk today put on by the Petroleum History Society. A professor I know’s students gave presentations about the British American Oil Company history in Canada. They were good presentations.
Dress code was business casual. I wore my Lululemon athliesure suit and a shirt. I think that was fine.
Met some people. Saw some people I knew. Talked. Listened.
Hungry now. Don’t know if I should eat or wait until dinner. Meeting a friend for wings.
Listless past couple days. I think because I have nothing concrete planned. Maybe? No clear vision of my future or an immediate goal I can work towards. Maybe as well?
What are my goals? What do I want? It’s tough to say right now. A job? Well, maybe that would be nice to have an income. A career? I don’t know what kind of career supports shifts in interests so frequently. A girlfriend? Maybe… maybe not. Not sure on that front. A wife? Same thoughts as previous. Kids? I don’t want to take care of another life until I can take care of myself.
…will I ever be able to take care of myself? Some days I can. A lot of days it’s hard. Is there something that I can be that requires me to just be me? I’d like that. Something that rewards for that? That would be nice. I’m pretty good at that.
A magpie crawls under a tree. In the Calgary Library in Central Memorial Park, sitting at a chair by a window that overlooks the park. It’s a nice park. Behind the park is the Sheldon Shumer (not sure if I’m spelling that right). A lot of community health programs are run out of it so there tends to be a lot of homeless people in the area. That’s true today too. We’ll not as much as usual because it snowed for the first time the other day and there is snow and it’s cold out (not that cold though for here).
Same for libraries. A lot of homeless people at libraries. I really like libraries; homeless people and all.
A guy walks his dog through the park. They are gone now.
More magpies. A guy in a sweater. Two cops.
A statue of a guy on a horse. A decorative “O” lined with Christmas lights. A lamp. Trees. Cars. Park benches. Footprints in the snow. I saw a fat pigeon on my walk over here; looked to have been eating well.
I roll my shoulders back. Only have 3,863 steps so far today. 10,000 is the goal.
Some snow falls off the roof.
A Canadian flag. A vet clinic. Many balconies.
A guy behind me is eating chips and just farted loudly for the second time in five minutes.
Cars. Street lights. Street signs. A construction worker in the distance. Glad he’s wearing his hi-vis.
Pencils. Outlets. Paper to make comments. A clock. A security camera. Lights. Stage lights. A flat screen tv.
Sirens getting closer. A vacuum? No, the bathroom hand dryer.
There’s the ambulance going by.
Books. Libraries. Gastrointestinal issues. An asian lady finely dressed.
Money and funding and wealth. Security and sanity and serenity. Harmony.
People. Me.
Sometimes fun; sometimes not. Always there, always there.
Who am I? Who am I? Who am I trying to be?
Who am I trying to be?