in the meantime and in between time
Laying in bed. It’s half past midnight. I worked out. I left the house. I did a podcast. I ran some errands.
Not falling asleep.
Sleep is hard to come by some nights; most nights.
Avoided paying bills. Maybe that’s why I’m not sleeping. Can’t do that right now. Ugh.
My mouth guard broke. I have a cheap back up one that I’m using but it’s almost chewed all the way through.
I folded some laundry. That was a win. I’m grateful for linner with my parents today (lunch/dinner, or also known as an early dinner).
My dad paid. It was nice. I’m grateful for them.
Family is tough.
But I guess it’s family that gets you through it.
My mom was wearing a coat of my grandma’s. It made me sad in that happy kind of way.
Man I cry so easily these days.
It’s tough going. It’s not impossible. But it’s not easy.
I miss my parents. I miss my ex. I miss my brothers and my cousins and my grandparents. I miss my friends.
I miss my reckless abandon. I miss laughing and joking and having fun.
I miss being excited. I miss looking forward to things.
I miss feeling like it was me against the world. I miss that not being scary.
I miss not worrying so much. I miss my highschool girlfriend(s). I miss being young. I miss being nervous and naive and having something to prove.
I miss myself.
Maybe he’s still in me somewhere.
It’s weird this feeling of missing. Most of the things I miss are still around. It’s just the state of them that have changed.
The people. The relationships. The history.
Time is a funny thing like that.
I wonder why I come back to that so often?
That thought. The way in which things stay the same but are always changing.
It’s tough you know? Change that is.
So fiercely do I want to hit pause. Go back. Hang out in the good times a little longer. Or speed up to when they’ll be next.
This in between times not that much fun. But it’s mostly in between time.
In the meantime and in between time.
That’s stampede wrestling.