four days 'till christmas
I wrote for five hours or so yesterday. It felt great. I want to post but am scarred to post. The most fear I have had to post so far.
I am scarred because it talks about things I don’t have word to describe yet. Things currently happening to me that I don’t know how to feel about. Don’t know how others feel about.
Liminality and change is the theme.
I think I’ll hold off on posting it or do my usual redacting thing I do for now. Maybe revisit it later after the Christmas season; let the emotion around it cool down for a few weeks.
I’ll try to keep posting but lighter stuff. Not as heavy. I’ll keep the heavy stuff to myself for the next few posts.
I went to a candle light string quartet with family and extended family last night. It wasn’t a sing along but when they played Jingle Bells my grandma with Alzheimer’s who was front row sang quite audibly along. It made me cry. I love my grandma and I know my mom misses her a lot.
I think everyone in the family misses her a lot.
Take care.