for the love of the game
7:30am. Two days until my dad turns 60. I don’t know what I should get for him for his birthday; if anything. There he goes now out the drive way; have a good day at work dad.
I have a nice view of the Rocky Mountains from my room. They look pretty today.
Oh, my dad is back. Must have forgot something. I do that all the time. It’s funny how much we can be like are parents sometimes.
There is a herd of cows in the distance I can see just on the other side of the highway. Birds and squirrels are out this morning. Spring is on its way; knock wood. It’s easy to get lulled into a false sense that winter is done here. Like a false summit when hiking.
Sad and scared again. Not sure the direct why. Feels like a lot of little whys today.
A crow is fighting a hawk. I can see the reflection of my bedside lamp in the window. The moon is gone; it was big this early morning. Not quite full, but almost.
The trees around here are funny. Funny to think about that is. A lot of them are about my age. Some a bit older. Some a lot older. A few younger. Interesting to think about that they will be here much longer than me. That’s if the next owner doesn’t want to take them down.
That makes me think of my dad. He’s a pave paradise to put up a parking lot type. It frustrates me.
But there are lots of that type. I guess it’s part of the internal struggle of man vs. Nature vs. Society. I don’t know or think it is possible or wise to struggle against the tide in that way.
To swim against the stream is a hard thing to do. Perhaps just enjoy the moment now as the Buddha does.
Things will change. As they always do. Love how they are now; but do not cling. To cling is to suffer.
I thought I was at week 10 in my triathlon training but I am in week 11. Today is a run. Yesterday I swam; it was a good swim.
I feel a bit lost today. I think it’s because I’m faced with some decisions. Interesting. There is something reflecting from the top of one of the mountains in the distance. I wonder what it is…
It’s still there but dimmed now. Weird. Wonder what it was.
Yeah I’ve gotten some heat from a few different parties about getting a job and moving out of my parents house. So I’ve been considering that but think the don’t really know my situation well enough to comment on that and I think I’ll stay.
On the job front… I’d rather work for myself which is an option for sure. I guess I just have to figure out what that means for me.
I have two pay my therapists and they are expensive. I have to decide if it’s worth continuing to see them or to ask for a sliding scale. I think I’ll ask for a sliding scale and see what they say. I am allowed to ask for that.
8:06am. Just got lost in thought.
Got lost a lot in thought yesterday as well. I get lost in thought a lot in general. Sometimes it’s annoying but a lot of the time it’s fun and exciting and rewarding and entertaining. Not sure what that means; if anything. Don’t really want to change it.
There goes my mom now out the drive way. Going to a golf lesson she said. Have fun mom.
Tried to flash LineageOS onto an old tablet I found laying around the house last night; no luck. It had a FRP lock on. Which means I needed the login to whoever's gmail was associated with it. Probably my dads or someone at his work. Couldn’t get it. ChatGPT said it would be easier for me to get another device.
Not much of a hackerman I guess.
I got to poop.
I’m back. 8:27am now. Not a lot of writing this hour. I guess I’ll go for that run now. I’m kind of ming mong this morning. I’m ruminating. I kind of do think sometimes that if you are a man people will only think about you in terms of if you have potential to make or lose them money.
That makes me sad.
Goodbye for today.