five days 'til christmas
The year is almost over. That’s kind of scary. It went by the fastest so far; or at least it feels that way today.
I am feeling this pressure or feeling like time is running out. My final months of my twenties…
It’s 6:52am, I am sitting at the kitchen island of my parents house. They live just outside Calgary, Alberta. As I was sitting here in the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a fox tail and its hind leg walk past the kitchen door that leads outside to the barbecue. By the time I got up to look he had gone. That was cool; those are rare to see.
I like seeing rare animals. It makes me feel like I am in Pokemon.
My mom is making eggs and my dad is folding laundry and watching Taxi Squad, some YouTube video about the origins of the modern day NFL practice squad, hosted by Peyton Manning.
They jumped up in excitement when I said I saw the fox and creeped over to the door to look. We only saw footprints.
I’m a bit worried. I’m not quite sure what about… getting older? Growing up? Time passing? Missing life? Missing an opportunity at a wife? Kids? A cat? A home? A…………. I don’t know what.
It’s not dread. It has a tinge of appreciation. Some sadness but not overwhelming. A tinge of gratitude. A hint of nostalgia. A teaspoon or two of happiness. An ounce of contentment. A gram of longing. Tightness but looseness at the same time.
Have you ever had that feeling before? Let me know if you have a name for it.
There is a family event with my mom’s side of the family tonight. Going to a Christmas caroling concert at a church. I am worried because… I think because it’s a situation I can’t control.
I'm sure it will be fine. I will work on being in the moment.
Merry Christmas Week.
Stay safe out there.