distraction [edited]
I am writing this on my phone.
I have been avoiding selling. Following up to people for the ai assistant my friend made for [redacted] and me.
I set it up for [redacted]. [redacted] wants one. [redacted] asked me to send them what they needed a month ago.
I sent them the list of hardware they needed yesterday.
I feel like I might have lost the sale.
The hard part for me is the asking for money.
My friend built something really helpful. Something a 50-70 year old can text or email or interact with in a non technical way and it helps them with their workflow. Something “boomer friendly”.
[redacted] are using it to manage [redacted].
For sure we’ve saved them $10k; probably a lot more.
Can I prove that; probably. Do I care to do the work to do the work of proving that; no really.
I guess that’s the hard part for me. To me my friend made something that he is giving to me for near free. Is giving to [redacted] near free.
The value he’s given me just based on being friends is a lot.
So it feels weird to go to people, especially people I care about and I know who this will be helpful to them and ask hey, if you give me money this will help you.
I want to just give it to them. But that makes it unsustainable.
And look, I’m laying in my bed writing about how uncomfortable it makes me feel instead of just picking up the phone and saying hey. You need this, I want to give it to you, pay for it and save your money.
Like I’m frustrated because… I don’t know I get this really complicated feeling inside my chest when I talk or think about talking to people about money.
Usually this discomfort comes and I find something to distract myself with.
Some distractions are more enriching than others.
Less enriching: YouTube, porn, binge eating. More enriching: running for politics, fighting in mma, getting beers or going to a movie with a friend, writing.
But I guess my point is that a lot of that behaviour is a cope. A self sooth. A way to regulate a heightened emotional state usually stemming from discomfort around money.
And more so what money represents to me: Unfairness, injustice, power imbalance, corruption, envy, greed, safety, shame, guilt. Asymmetry. Complexity.
I think I am not the only one who feels a complexity of emotion from money.
I guess the hard part for me in this hero’s journey called life is in addressing it.
That’s my dragon.
Distractions be damned.
Wish me luck; I will need it.