change up
i grew up playing baseball. i liked it most of the time. i would typically stop liking it around halfway through the season.
i think i would stop liking it because it would hurt, get boring, get grindy, it would just get... not that fun.
that is how my life is feeling right now; grindy. Like when you are playing runescape or minecraft and it hits that point of not being fun anymore.
i know that's a signal of burnout. i know it is a signal to slow down and take breaks.
i know that if i change nothing i will burnout.
i am just scared too. when i tried to take breaks in baseball i would get in trouble (or i would perceive it that way). if i tried to take breaks from school (another early childhood grindy thing) i would get in trouble.
something... baseball, basketball, school? something like that. early on i learned that stopping wasn't an option.
i had to persevere, and in some cases that worked. But now i am finding it is not working anymore.
i sometimes feel like the horse in Animal Farm, Boxer. He works and works and works and dies.
that is how i am feeling. that is how i have been feeling.
something has to change.
i am just scared to be disliked.
i guess that is what it means to stand up for yourself. being courageous; especially when you are scared.