boundaries
i told my aunt i would plan a trail ride for her as a birthday gift. i might have over estimated myself.
my parents are hosting a pickleball tournement at the end of the month. i don't want to go.
May 29th (9 days from now) is the cut off day to submit my name as a nomination candidate for a party for a provincial election here in Alberta. i want that kind of but also don't think i have that in me.
I have to text a guy back my dad wants me to talk to. A mentor figure of mine is hosting an event on Thursday; I feel like I should go but i don't want to.
A guy that mentor introduced me to just emailed me. I have to get back to him.
Stuff is happening. I think it's good but it is making me feel overwhelmed. Kind of.
Emails and texts are not very human. They drain me pretty good. I have a bike ride scheduled in. I really don't want to do it today. Monday I got a swim in. Tuesday I got a run in. The run was 30min shorter than it was supposed to be.
What else do i not want to do today? I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to get a girlfriend. Girls cause problems.
I don't want to get a job or work or be a friend or be anything. Today I just want to be a loser and lay down and write and fuck around.
I don't want to laugh or cry or sing or die. I don't want to eat or sleep or lay about. I yearn for the mines. I yearn for your time.
Man I am heartbroken.
I gave my heart to somebody and it wasn't enough. I gave my heart to someone and they said "is that it?". Fuck.
My heart is heavy. It feels like it's made of lead right now.
Maybe i need to re-establish/re-enforce some boundaries. Boundaries are really really hard.
Maybe not hard for you but they are hard for me.