back to Canada
warning: sex, prostitution, masturbation discussed
A lot has happened since my last update.
What was that? Weeks ago it feels like; months. Maybe a year ago.
I like that when you do many things, time seems to expand.
I like that theory of thought.
I’m in the Hong Kong airport. Just had lunch. A burger and pizza and a Coca Cola. Delicious.
I’m full and happy. I’m writing because I caught myself wanting to scroll. Staring off into space. Realizing that writing helps me narrow my focus when it gets too loose and winding and makes me a bit dizzy. A bit lost.
It brings me back to the path. It brings more linearity. If that makes sense.
I want to share what I’ve been up to but I also like the idea of it being private. Keeping it for myself. Not having to share with anyone but myself and I guess God.
That feels right. At least for now.
The past few evenings I’ve been exceedingly horny. Yesterday I gave in to the lust and looked up prostitutes in Hong Kong.
I found a website that seemed legit and with reviews of different girls. The review forum was actually really detailed and informative.
There were two websites, 141sex161.com and 161sex141.com. They had the same info on each; the 161sex141 one just had a newer looking UX. They were a little sketchy but from the info on Reddit I found they seemed to be legit.
There are “Spa’s” and “Single Women Apartments” throughout HK. I learned this from online and from my friend who I confessed to I was scrolling these ads for 3-4 hours last night this morning.
He explained to me that the culture around sex and women and prostitution is different in Hong Kong and China than in the west.
More tolerant in some ways. Yet still a taboo.
It was interesting. It tied into an earlier experience we had the day before with a Feng Shui Master.
I’m supposed to wear red and purple. To protect my hands and feet. And to be careful when driving.
Anyways, I had porn brain last night is what I’m trying to say.
I scrolled for 3 or 4 hours on my phone before coming to my senses. I put the phone away, had a shower, jerked off in the shower. Then went to bed.
I wore my CPAP machine.
I thought about going to one of the Spa’s nearby. There were some girls who offered prostate massages to completion.
I had thought that would be nice. I’ve averaged around ~20,000 steps or so since arriving in Hong Kong on Sunday. My feet, legs, hips, everything, is sore.
I thought that might be a good way to practice self care. In Guangzhou I did go and get cupping done with my friend. That was good for me.
I’ve always been interested in hookers. Since I learned what one was I’ve wanted to procure their services.
I’m not sure if it’s the Catholic guilt, my shyness, my elitism, or my neurosis but I’ve never been to one.
I think it is Freud who talks about the Madonna-whore complex. I think that I might have that.
Something in me gets weird when it comes to women.
One part of me wants to have them on their knees, spit in their mouth, walk them around like a dog.
Another part wants to treat them as saints. As deities that need to be protected. Things or objects that are delicate and fragile. Something that can break if you grasp it too tightly.
Another part still wants to not have to put so much thought into them. It wants love and support and someone to cheer me on no matter what. To be in my corner when I’m up. To be in my corner when I’m down. To have my kids and keep my home. To be my friend. My partner. My wife. My home.
So yeah I don’t know. I want sex and love and lust and desire and pride and envy and to covet and be coveted.
There is an Indian man watching TikTok at full blast beside me at the gate at the airport.
It’s kind of funny. He is getting served a lot of AI ads it seems like.
Hmmmm.
At the gate there are whites and Indians and asians. One black guy. The plane is to Vancouver.
Race and culture and similarities and differences have been a theme this trip.
Strange.
It’s all kind of strange.
Rest easy out there.