a plea from my Ego to my Id (1/4)
something I wrote on wednesday (1/4)
I am such a fucking loser.
My friends have houses and one has a kid. Most of them have jobs.
I don’t have either. I have a profound sense of self realization that allows me to pin point my flaws and the absurdities of life.
I wish I could use this to lobotomize myself so I could maintain a job. Just turn my brain off and not think and wake up and do a routine.
I don’t want to think about shit anymore. I hate thinking about shit. All I think about is poor little me and how life is unfair.
Shut the fuck up brain. My life is fine. My life is hella good in comparison to most peoples lives.
I have food, water, shelter, education, freedom, funds. Shut the fuck up and be happy already.
I have friends and family and people who love me. Just shut the fuck up and be normal.
Please brain stop complaining and bitching about life and society and the law and corruption and finance and the uncertainty of the future and homelessness and other fucking people.
Fuck all that. Just shut the fuck up and do the boring ass routine so we can make money and support ourselves instead of leaning on our parents and large social network to hold you up on your glass floor while you lay flat on it and whine and complain.
Just care about me for fucking once. Take care of us. We are both in here. It’s easy.
Just stop looking at the glittering box and do some push ups or run or something. Raise your heart rate. We have become fat like a hog ready for slaughter.
How are we supposed to survive like this. Just eat until I’m a candidate for that TLC show?
Stop fucking eating and take us to the gym and go play games and sports. And then get a fucking job like a normal fucking person instead of spending every fucking day in bed thinking about shit that doesn’t concern you and doesn’t fucking matter.
Please just do this before we fucking die or become so fat and useless we smash the glass floor and drop down to the bottom of the social ladder.
Fuck you brain. I fucking hate you. You know everything you have to do to stop being like this yet here we fucking are. In bed all day again. Just like usual, just like always.
Please move. Go outside. It’s nice out. Drink some water. It’s literally right beside you on the bedside table. You can do it. Please just do it.
I want to be free from this. I want to enjoy life and be productive and happy. Why do we have to do this so fucking often.
It’s not normal to lay in bed and fret this much. Just get up please. Please. PLEASE!
You doing this is killing us. We are dying because of this. I hope you are happy.