a different kind of serenity
It is 3:30AM. The cat got into my room and was on my bed when I woke up this morning. I’m allergic to the cat so I try not to let it into my room.
It is active this morning. I’m in the kitchen now and he is at war with a piece of tape. Good for him.
Yesterday was one of those hard easy days. Met with my mom and grandpa and the celebrant about my grandma’s funeral. It’s on Feb. 14th. Valentine’s day. Good meeting, kind of long and detail heavy.
My cousin offered to play the flute as we walked into the ceremony. That struck a nerve for some people. I found it annoying they didn’t want him to play the flute. I think the flute playing cousins has a bit of a black sheep dynamic within the wider family. He’s easily not taken seriously by the other family members, which frankly I don’t really get.
Well from what they've told me about their interaction with him I get it.
But it's interesting because my experience with him has been so... different. I guess that's just apart of life. People show different parts of themselves to different people. People take away different things from different interactions with different people.
A similar thing happens with a different cousin on the other side of the family. I find it unfair and it bugs me.
I guess I find both situations unfair and they both bug me. It's interesting the parallels... the perpendiculars.
It’s not the biggest deal in the world but it did annoy me. And that's ok. It's all ok. Things are going to be ok. Things are ok. I am ok. Everyone and everything is ok.
Breath in. Breath out. Breath.
Having a coffee this am. A caffe latte by OKF. An import by dollarama. Typically I’ve found them kind of gross in the past but this morning it’s not bad. I poured it from the can into a glass full of ice. Like I said, not bad.
With this funeral I think there is opportunity for repair. I hope there is opportunity for repair. I know there is opportunity for repair.
Grandma and other ancestors please give me the courage and the strength to help repair this family... to repair myself. To repair that thing in me that feels broken; whatever it is.
I know that I can do it.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Thank you.